Trauma II: Spring Cleaning

Traumas happen to all of us throughout our lives, from so small that we hardly notice them to so large that they affect our every interaction with the world around us. And there’s a lot in between as well. But how many of us are actually aware of how the trauma response operates and where we are emotionally in the process?

Traumas can be physical, as in injury to the body, but there is also always an accompanying mental component. Most traumas, however, are strictly emotional, which makes them even harder to detect and heal. While none of us is immune to trauma, the question is how – and if – we deal with it. Learning to identify traumatic experiences and understanding how the internal process works is one giant step in the direction of self-healing and empowerment.

When any kind of experience occurs that triggers a traumatic response, the initial - almost instantaneous - reaction may be one of non-judgment. Like witnessing a violent or disturbing scene in slow motion, a part of you knows it’s not going to have a good outcome, but you haven’t yet formed a solid judgment around it or experienced the full flood of resulting emotions.
This means the trauma reaction has not yet kicked in. And for some, it never does kick in (a form of denial). For most people, however, they never get past one of the stages of trauma.

Basically, the trauma response is being impressioned by something that happens and imprisoned by the fight or flight. Our only options are remaining stuck in one or multiple stages… or getting through the process, out of its shackles, and on with our life.
A common reaction to the trauma response is armoring up. But this won’t help us get around the trauma because the trauma will always find a way in. It’s already in, in fact, attached at the core, and this is why it can have such a powerful hold on us if not dealt with.

Getting to the healthy wisdom place amidst trauma involves seeing the big picture, including how it all unfolds inside you – the traumatized part as well as the untraumatized part – and how the balance forms between them. Meaning, what is it inside you that can see both the pain and the logic at the same time? Getting to the place where you can feel the pain or grief while saying it’s ok is a healthy form of acceptance and letting go. The wisdom mind can re-create a place of nonjudgmental awareness and stabilize/embody it anytime.

Trauma is especially common in caregivers, rescuers and the like. But it’s not just the traumatic experiences that cause problems; it’s also our reactions to them. For instance, feeling overwhelmed, trapped, helpless, or like you really screwed up can cause PTSD (which truly is a trauma prison). You may be angry with yourself or someone else, and this is trapping you further, being obsessed with trying to change it or ruminating over it. Some people even let the trauma become their defining identity.

The only way back to a balanced state is getting out of the vicious cycle (which becomes the trauma story you live within). When you can talk about one of life’s battle scars while allowing the feelings to come through and express themselves - without being sucked back into the drama - this is healing. Getting back to positive emotions can break you of the negative cycle because they are constructive and you can use them to better your life rather than break it down.

The good news is that actively working through trauma and adding a spiritual element can lead to a real deep resolution! But… most people aren’t going to go there. Why? Fear and denial. Fear of the intensity of the feelings, fear that the pain will never end, and fear of loss of control. As for denial, it’s a powerful self “protective” mechanism that actually does quite the opposite: It doesn’t allow us to heal, to fully engage in our lives, or reach our potential as human beings.

Hey, we’ve all experienced overwhelming, upsetting or traumatic events. But some of them just might be prohibiting us from accessing all the wisdoms, joys and triumphs in life. The best way to rid of monsters (real or symbolic) is to face them and shed a light on the fears they bring up. The best way to free up sacred healing space is to clean out a closet once in a while, and maybe donate the old bones to science. The stories we live with then can at least be honest, and maybe even helpful for others.
Trauma can be accessed and worked through via talk therapy, writing therapy, hypnotherapy, shamanic healing, or meditation and mindfulness, all of which are offered at Middle Way Health. Want to know more? Watch for part 3 where we’ll get into just what the five stages of trauma are.

Trauma: Bringing it to Light

TRAUMA
Traumas are common, possibly as common as sneezes. The problem is that we can’t see them, nor do we have a magic phrase that heals them. Perhaps it is their mysterious nature that makes us so uncomfortable with them. Obviously, their ability to cut so deep, imbed, infiltrate and immobilize adds to our cultural attempts to keep trauma underground.

There are little traumas and there are really big traumas. The big ones can seem so overwhelming that we try everything to deny them. The little ones most often go unnoticed, but can add up overtime and unconsciously affect the present quality of our lives.

I used to think I hadn’t experienced much trauma in my life because there was nothing ‘really big’ shadowing part of my past. But the more I began to learn about the nature of trauma and what makes something traumatic, the more I realized I had plenty. Some were obvious, like the deaths of grandparents and friends, but so many others had gone under the radar for so long (like pets disappearing, mean childhood pranks, the condescension of others, etc.)… And I realized that by not acknowledging them, I was denying a part of my own innocence and delaying part of my own growth.

We’ve all had traumatic experiences, and we’re all affected differently by them. What may be traumatic to one person might roll off another’s back. We can’t judge another’s emotion, pain or turmoil, but we can learn to face and manage our own. All feelings are valid and yet they should be explored so we do not become slave to them. We all have wounded parts. Those wounds should be tended to without over or under-exaggeration to let the healing begin.

Our own personal healing may be exactly what the world needs now.

Writing a Book, pt. III – Re-creating Our Stories & Creatively Journeying Through Life

The ‘Something So Obvious’ Healing Journey Workshop

Something So Obvious is about how people heal, how they become enlightened, and what they do with that awareness. It’s a lifelong process that we can learn to accept and improve upon as we go. We’re all on a journey of self-discovery as we discover the world around us, and that includes experiencing setbacks and uncovering vulnerabilities. So we must as well heal as we go or else our growth will be limited and true satisfaction fleeting. Seeing our lives as a journey of healing, growth and joy – while overcoming occasional blockages and traumas – is different from pursuing happiness and stopping reluctantly to deal with one crisis after another. Incorporating the challenges into the journey, they become inspirations and catalysts for self and life improvement.

In putting this book together – characters, experiences and growth opportunities - we’re also creating a program for journey work at Middle Way Health. The Something So Obvious storyline mirrors anyone’s story. It represents our struggles and growth. It even exemplifies how we at Middle Way Health lead people through their own healing and growth. Because the only way to talk about and envision the whole journey is via a relatable story or biography which people can identify with. Then we go from healing (feeling safe, comfortable and empathized with) to learning healthier living (a new way of being). We’re not just solving problems but moving beyond them by visualizing and practicing new ways of experiencing life. As well, we re-write our own stories as we choose.

Why is the story so important - becoming aware of our personal stories, or what Stephen sometimes calls our ‘inner screenplay’? It’s important because we will usually stick to our previously-written script whether it’s working for us or not, whether we’re aware of doing this or not. Becoming conscious about the story we’re telling ourselves - the novel where in, the big screen we see ourselves on - allows us to question who really wrote the story, what it’s based on, if it fits us, and whether we believe we can change it.

The kind of “story” we’re talking about involves the assumptions, beliefs and unconscious patterns we developed long ago, the basic building blocks that frame our current actions, reactions and emotions. We get tricked into thinking that if we just keep doing the same thing over and over again, a new outcome will eventually occur. As well, we’ve become so accustomed to our dysfunctional patterns that we choose the broken record over the effort it will take to make a new one.

And yet, sometimes it’s not enough to just write down our story and then reframe it in a positive light. We have to dig deeper and then evaluate who, what and where we actually want to be. Stories stick with us because we haven’t checked them for accuracy or validity. It’s hard to make change at that level because we’re not trained on how to go about doing it. That’s why we need others to help us, a healing team to access the story from different angles. We need help getting out of the crash-and-burn-and-heal habit, and into an engaging, authentic pattern of deep healing and self-actualization.

But uncovering the old story and writing a new story is still not enough. If we lived only in the ethereal dreamland of our new story – not actually acting it out in real life – we’d just be swapping a fairytale for a fantasy. Trying out our new story, and editing and improving it as we go, takes us from just surviving to actually thriving. This is what we call ‘La Dolce Vita’, or the sweet life.