Trauma II: Spring Cleaning

Traumas happen to all of us throughout our lives, from so small that we hardly notice them to so large that they affect our every interaction with the world around us. And there’s a lot in between as well. But how many of us are actually aware of how the trauma response operates and where we are emotionally in the process?

Traumas can be physical, as in injury to the body, but there is also always an accompanying mental component. Most traumas, however, are strictly emotional, which makes them even harder to detect and heal. While none of us is immune to trauma, the question is how – and if – we deal with it. Learning to identify traumatic experiences and understanding how the internal process works is one giant step in the direction of self-healing and empowerment.

When any kind of experience occurs that triggers a traumatic response, the initial - almost instantaneous - reaction may be one of non-judgment. Like witnessing a violent or disturbing scene in slow motion, a part of you knows it’s not going to have a good outcome, but you haven’t yet formed a solid judgment around it or experienced the full flood of resulting emotions.
This means the trauma reaction has not yet kicked in. And for some, it never does kick in (a form of denial). For most people, however, they never get past one of the stages of trauma.

Basically, the trauma response is being impressioned by something that happens and imprisoned by the fight or flight. Our only options are remaining stuck in one or multiple stages… or getting through the process, out of its shackles, and on with our life.
A common reaction to the trauma response is armoring up. But this won’t help us get around the trauma because the trauma will always find a way in. It’s already in, in fact, attached at the core, and this is why it can have such a powerful hold on us if not dealt with.

Getting to the healthy wisdom place amidst trauma involves seeing the big picture, including how it all unfolds inside you – the traumatized part as well as the untraumatized part – and how the balance forms between them. Meaning, what is it inside you that can see both the pain and the logic at the same time? Getting to the place where you can feel the pain or grief while saying it’s ok is a healthy form of acceptance and letting go. The wisdom mind can re-create a place of nonjudgmental awareness and stabilize/embody it anytime.

Trauma is especially common in caregivers, rescuers and the like. But it’s not just the traumatic experiences that cause problems; it’s also our reactions to them. For instance, feeling overwhelmed, trapped, helpless, or like you really screwed up can cause PTSD (which truly is a trauma prison). You may be angry with yourself or someone else, and this is trapping you further, being obsessed with trying to change it or ruminating over it. Some people even let the trauma become their defining identity.

The only way back to a balanced state is getting out of the vicious cycle (which becomes the trauma story you live within). When you can talk about one of life’s battle scars while allowing the feelings to come through and express themselves - without being sucked back into the drama - this is healing. Getting back to positive emotions can break you of the negative cycle because they are constructive and you can use them to better your life rather than break it down.

The good news is that actively working through trauma and adding a spiritual element can lead to a real deep resolution! But… most people aren’t going to go there. Why? Fear and denial. Fear of the intensity of the feelings, fear that the pain will never end, and fear of loss of control. As for denial, it’s a powerful self “protective” mechanism that actually does quite the opposite: It doesn’t allow us to heal, to fully engage in our lives, or reach our potential as human beings.

Hey, we’ve all experienced overwhelming, upsetting or traumatic events. But some of them just might be prohibiting us from accessing all the wisdoms, joys and triumphs in life. The best way to rid of monsters (real or symbolic) is to face them and shed a light on the fears they bring up. The best way to free up sacred healing space is to clean out a closet once in a while, and maybe donate the old bones to science. The stories we live with then can at least be honest, and maybe even helpful for others.
Trauma can be accessed and worked through via talk therapy, writing therapy, hypnotherapy, shamanic healing, or meditation and mindfulness, all of which are offered at Middle Way Health. Want to know more? Watch for part 3 where we’ll get into just what the five stages of trauma are.

The Incredible Lightness of Getting Away

Do you need a vacation, or a vacation from your vacation?

Just the anticipation of an upcoming getaway is sometimes enough to help us get through a little more of what we thought we could no longer bear. We’ll push that much harder just to get through to the long-awaited time off and trip away. We may even be willing to lose sleep to get done what needs to get done, tie up those loose ends, and make our transition back that much (hopefully) easier.

I love the anticipation of vacation, even if it’s months away. I’ll make lists of things to pack, places to go and things to do before I set off on the horizon. When I have enough time in which to do this, I enjoy the planning and slow anticipation of a carefree lifestyle and renewed outlook. But often, this ends up being a luxury I can’t really afford, with time and serenity being somewhere off in the elusive distance.

Ideally, who doesn’t plan at least somewhat for vacation? We have to plan the destination, the getting there, getting around and getting back. We might plan activities ahead of time. Are we swimsuit ready, do we have the right suitcase, who will feed the pets, will we get all our work done at the office, and will we be able to foresee and sidestep any mishaps that may arise?
Even with all of this strategizing, we feel fortunate to be able to get away, don’t we? With our busy, demanding lives, vacation at times and to some can seem just a pipe dream, however. But I will argue that not making some time to ‘get away’ – whatever that means to you – actually hurts us more in the long run.

Whatever ‘high maintenance’ qualities vacation can take on, think about the demands of our daily lives. There’s so much coming and going, preparation and expectation, consequence-handling and reacting. When one problem is solved or dissolved, we move right onto the next one. Many of us feel responsible for everything around us going smoothly while we’re being pulled in multiple directions at one time. We probably don’t feel we have much – if any – of a cushion to fall back on, whether in terms of money, support or sanity. To ‘drop it all’ for a week or so can even bring on more stress and anxiety.

But again, I argue - To question not just how we got here, but why we’re still here (in this frantic pace) is precisely what the subconscious will do while you’re “away”. That part of you that knows what joy and peace and wellbeing feel like will shed its business suit and languish in every moment of free time you allow it. It will frolic, laugh and play, siesta in the afternoon, and buy silly souvenirs. But when you’re not paying attention, it will do some of the most important work - It will evaluate your life, hone in on what matters most, and point to what’s getting in the way.

This dialogue between our frantic self and our serene self is crucial in the balancing of our lives. And since vacation is the serene self’s time to shine, the frantic self (usually willingly) steps aside. Yet it is only by working together – being whole - that we can see the grains of wisdom falling through our butterfly net or out of the vast cosmos. And the easy feelings that vacation eventually brings relaxes us enough to let the clarity and meaning in.

“The best news of all is that we never really lose vacation mind,” Stephen says. It is entirely possible to feel peace in the midst of the anxiety and whatever else is going on; we don’t have to always remove the anxiety first. With vacation, Stephen adds, “You’re rolling to a stop rather than putting on the breaks. You are simply enjoying yourself naturally, rather than trying to force it.”

So have you taken a break from your typical life lately or are you at least planning to?

A new perspective can truly be a blessing, even if we simply replace a fraction of our usual daily routine with a dose of vacation bliss. What can really be so important that we don’t take care of our deepest needs? Whose world are we trying to keep spinning atop those various plates and dancing puppets? And if it’s our most personal, intimate world that’s got us so uptight and anxious, now’s the chance to rethink, re-focus and recreate. Starting someplace exotic.