Ignorance, Oblivion and Living in Extremes

We’re all oblivious to something in our lives at any given time. Usually in hindsight – if we bother to look back – we can see it. But how do we do it in the present moment? Are we not capable of seeing it, is it some sort of denial, or are we just not versed in how to see it? How do we start to see what we’re currently not seeing?

Practically speaking, when we focus on something in front of us, we can’t see what’s behind us. We weren’t born with eyes in the back of our heads for a reason, right? However, we do sometimes need to know what’s going on behind us, and we can utilize our senses in order to do so, whether we turn around and literally look or just hone in with general awareness.

But in other situations, we have a feeling we’re missing something; we just don’t know what or where that something is. So how do we know what the right questions are to ask and/or where to look for the answers? Should we stay put and wait for them to come to us or should we go out looking for them?

Often, just talking with someone else is enough to widen our perspective and see something we hadn’t before. But sometimes the problem is that we don’t want to see the other side because we’re hyper-focused on one extreme. For instance, we may choose to not see someone else’s side of things because we’re too wrapped up in our own suffering. We might also be ignoring the big picture because we’ve created a habit of vacillating between two extremes. For example, we might not see that a relationship is unfulfilling because we’ve become too accustomed to swinging directly from misery to bliss, and vice versa.

The problem is that in preferring one specific feeling or bouncing between two extreme ones, we’re ignoring the balancing of our human processes and the work it takes to keep finding healthy middle ground. It takes constant awareness and energy to be flexible in this way, and many of us aren’t accustomed to living like this. But by shedding light on our unconscious patterns, we can free up the trapped energies and utilize them to create more efficient and pleasant ways of living.

Watch for part II - where we elaborate further on 'What We're Missing' - to come~

Reconsidering Time

What does time mean to you? Do you live your life by the clock or try to avoid it altogether? What’s your time worth?

Time is mostly just the way we organize and manage our lives. It’s a way for us all to be marching to the same social beat. It makes important things run more smoothly. And for many, the faster you go, the more you can succeed. But time is also inevitable. Time is change, and change is constant. Exactly how we keep track of time doesn’t even matter much; what matters more is if we agree upon that method.

Some of us have time-dictated careers, where we operate within a strict time-oriented structure. Keeping up with this, then, dictates whether we are successful or not; For instance, doctors, therapists, and those whose days are filled with appointments or deadlines. Others have more project-oriented careers, which isn’t quite as time-specific and may have more flexibility. While there may not be many careers where time is not a factor, how you ‘sync’ up with your livelihood may be affecting your wellbeing.

Which fits you best: Do you thrive under time constraints and find that they motivate you? Do you resent the rigidity of the clock and external pressures? Or do you appreciate the boundaries that the structure of time creates?

As always, extremes are draining. Having too little time may make you too scattered to think straight, let alone stop to smell the roses along the way. But having too much time can make you feel lost, unclear about your purpose, and disconnected from others. Do you thrive from the kind of structure that comes with your job or lifestyle? Or does it not fit with your natural sense of rhythm?

At Middle Way Health we have to use time as a tool for our practice. So in a sense, we have a partnership with time. However, since we don’t want to feel slaves to time, we have to make sure its confines don’t get too narrow and that we have breathing space and downtime. Both business and personal relationships are affected by time – whether productively on not. When each party has a different way of dealing with time, conflict can arise. For instance, a couple may constantly battle with tardiness versus punctuality.

What matters most about time? It affects us all. Whether we agree to meet at noon or when the sun is directly overhead, it helps us create some structure within which we can make things happen. But what also matters is how we look at time and engage with it. Fearing there’s never enough time is going to make that fear come true, because you’re always rushing and never feel caught up. But time is somewhat fluid, actually. The faster you go, the faster it seems to go. The less you have to do, the more it seems to creep along. The more you love what you do, the richer the time and space seem to get. But wasting one’s time… now, that’s another story. If you take time for granted, you may be taking your life for granted. For when you waste your time, you can never get it back.

If your life feels dictated by time to the extent that you resent it, your relationship with time needs help. If you generally disregard time, you may come across as disrespecting others’ time. But if you work with time and create a nice pairing of time-sensitive and free-time, your life will feel more balanced and be more manageable.

We all have flexible time – time that is ours to do with what we will. Even if that time is the seven hours we allot to sleep at night, it’s up to us whether we prioritize our time and create some downtime for ourselves. Sure, sleep helps re-charge our bodies, but our minds and spirits need their own time too. It might do us a world of good to get up an hour early to do yoga, journal, meditate or work on that prized vintage car. The point is, we are in a relationship with time and need to communicate our priorities perhaps more than we have to compromise them.

While most of us would like to throw away our watches and live in a timeless world, the desire to disengage in this way means we’re not relating to time properly. The clock and incessant minute-hand are man-made time keepers, but they are based on nature’s time: the natural rhythms that keep us alive (such as the sun and moon dancing from day to night and our hearts pumping blood and oxygen).

There is a spirituality to time as well, although we don’t tend to think of it this way. Buddhism’s Kalachakra teachings, for example, are about cycles of time and learning to harmonize your time. Things like weekends, getaways and retreats – when you lose track of date and time and are on sun and moon-time – are good for the soul. Letting ourselves “lose track of time” once in a while and experience the freeness of just being elevates the spirit from our mind-driven world. So to take a snapshot of that vacation mentality back with you, think of time as breaths per minute rather than a piece of metal or plastic running your life. It’ll make time a more grounded, embodied, personal and meaningful part of your days.

2012: Full of Newness....

Here we go again - re-defining our look, our web presence, and our services. Without necessarily intending it, one thing just always seems to lead to another. So deciding to have our website redesigned then led to a new logo design, Facebook, Twitter and YouTube pages, and a re-clarifying of our goals and services at Middle Way Health.

What we learned (or re-learned) along the way is that doing a new website is also a process of self-discovery. What comes to the surface is often surprising, but always beneficial if you know what to do with it. We learned – among other things - how well we compromise and share ideas, how well we actually collaborate, and what we really want to achieve.

Individually and as a team, we want to help others make sense of the world, gain a healthier perspective about their role in it, and create more positive, healthful interactions from day to day. We want to help people heal and give them the tools to continue doing so. But in order to do this, we each have to sweep away what is clouding our vision and no longer serving us. Sometimes this is a fresh start, other times just a good, deep spring cleaning. So we took a collective look at what people need most right now (us included), such as cleaning out cobwebs, relishing the sacred space, and creating positive momentum for our lives.

We’ve been at our new location across from McKinley Park a year now and we’re taking it to a new level. Our new website and social media tools are ways to connect with the community near and far, but they’re also symbols of our new collaboration and expanded vision. We all have to work together to make anything happen – whether it’s a website, business or relationship, and this requires communication, patience, effort and understanding.

Expanding our online presence is also about presenting ourselves more to the world and letting people know what we’re doing at Middle Way Health. We are happy to say that we have some pretty unique features and offer a combination of wellness services that is truly a collaborative, coordinated, one-of-a-kind effort. Newly-expanded programs include:

Embodied Mind Therapies

Embodied Mind Therapies involve the mind-body connection and the empowerment that comes from it. Embodiment means "awakening the body" and much of this is done by arousing the senses, for our sensory experiences create our connection with the world. Thus, it is through them that we can feel truly alive, balancing both mind and body. Examples of Embodied Mind Therapies include Biofeedback, Mindfulness Meditation, Hypnotherapy, and Health & Self-Care.

Biofeedback is the safe and gentle process of learning self-regulation of physical and mental processes, from which we can become much more in charge of our everyday wellbeing. Mindfulness Meditation is defined as moment by moment nonjudgmental attention to what is happening. Through sitting still and being alert we settle our mind and body and develop clarity, balance and focus. It is taught one on one through private interview or an eight-week group-setting course “Mindfulness and Movement.” Hypnotherapy is an ancient technique that uses deep relaxation coupled with positive suggestions to reinforce positive habits and extinguish negative habits. And Health & Self-Care is about the healthy balance of outlook, lifestyle, diet and exercise with psychological and spiritual growth.

Spiritual Guidance & Mentoring

Also offered by Middle Way Health practitioners is Spiritual Guidance & Mentoring, which we feel is becoming increasingly necessarily during these challenging, uncertain times. Under this multi-faceted umbrella fall Buddhist Psychotherapy, Shamanic Healing and Soul Retrieval, and Dream Life Designing. Buddhist Psychotherapy explores the human condition from both a personal and transpersonal side, using the meditative traditions of mindfulness and yoga. The goal of Shamanic Healing is to bring the human spirit into harmony. And Dream Life Designing is geared for anyone ready to take a more deliberate role in the design of their life. It includes Expressive Writing Coaching, which guides you along a simple but profound pathway of self-discovery, where you learn to analyze thoughts, obtain ‘Ah-ha’s and clarify desires.

What We Aim to Provide at Middle Way Health:

A Sense of Place = To help you connect with where you are and feel a sacredness about it.
Nonjudgmental Awareness = A safe space to reveal fears and frustrations, and identify their source.
Expanded Outlook = The fostering of healthy perspectives and expectations that are not limited by the broken record of the mind.
Options & Opportunities = The right to find the freedom you possess and exercise it beneficially.
Support & Guidance = Knowledgeable and intuitive assessments that are aligned with your current pace and progress.

Please stop by and visit our website at www.MiddleWayHealth.com. Your feedback is appreciated and we hope to connect with you in person soon!

Sincerely,
Stephen, Judy & Melanie

Jhado Rinpoche Visits Sacramento for the 2nd Time~

12/18/09
Jhado Rinpoche Lunch Meeting
Place:
58 Degrees Banquet Room, Midtown Sacramento
Attendees:
Geshe Tubten Tashi, Jhado Tulku Rinpoche, Lama Yeshe Jinpa, Michael Halfhill, Ray Kerridge, Melanie Noel Light, Gonpo, Baasandorj Altangerel, Norovbadam, Jambaa

The wine cellar of 58 Degrees is a long brick room with a black sleek table in the middle and modern-style candelabra chandelier overhead. A variety of paintings hang on the walls, including an abstract city scene, a bold Impressionist vineyard landscape, an ethereal undersea-scape and a humorous Olde English golf course scene. The lighting is just low enough to be romantic but high enough to be practical. The room is cold.

Immediately upon sitting I begin to experience an otherworldly feeling, as if I’m floating and could fall into a deep trance any minute. The combination of company seems odd to me, and there's a strange rift between the ambiance of the place and the particular feelings I’m experiencing.

Guests include a Buddhist teacher/Psychotherapist, a founder of the Dalai Lama Foundation, a writer/photographer, the City Manager, a disciple of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and several of his students. English is not the majority’s primary language at the table, but it is what is spoken most. There is an interpreter aiding conversation between the English and Tibetan-speaking people.

Conversations include the difference between Tibetan Buddhism and Chinese Buddhism, Unsung Heroes, Dharamsala, Shugdens and the Dalai Lama’s view of them, intelligent vs. dull disciples, Buddhism and quantum physics, Dick Grace’s involvement with the Dalai Lama, and a question that remained unanswered: “What is reality?”

06/27/12
Jhado Rinpoche Lunch Meeting
Place:
Rio City Café, Old Sacramento
Attendees:
Geshe Tubten Tashi, Jhado Tulku Rinpoche, Gonpo, Lama Yeshe Jinpa, Baasandorj Altangerel, Norovbadam, Jambaa, Simone Biasiol, Janine Mapurunga, Marie Gillies, Melanie Noel Light

The weather is nearly perfect – sunny and bright, a little warmer than body temperature, and with a breeze that makes its presence known without causing any trouble. I park at the far end of Old Sacramento, near the new Riverfront Promenade, and begin strolling toward my destination. The Promenade is inviting, running someplace in the distance from the south, and connecting with the Old Sacramento merchant dock. There are plaques along the way telling of Sacramento’s early history – transportation, bridges, the railroad, and such. The Tower Bridge, which connects Sacramento to West Sacramento, glistens in the sun like gold (as it should but doesn’t always do), and there’s a long sailboat tied to the dock beneath it. People are walking and jogging the Promenade, and a young businessman is perched on a bench talking on his cell phone.

I take some photos along the way and ingest the unhurried scene as I come across my lunch destination, Rio City Café, which overlooks the Sacramento River. Our waiter Peter seats me at a long table at the far end of the large patio space and I await the group’s arrival. I turn to see the red and gold robes some distance behind me taking photographs on a veranda off the same wooden-plank promenade. They soon disappear, a few minutes later appearing before me.

I’ve met them all before – three years ago and some change – but one never quite knows how to greet holy people, and I fumble in my own ways as usual. Still, they are cordial, casual and good at coaxing smiles. There is a language barrier and no interpreter this time, which could account for the more informal conversations. A large pelican is spotted on a pylon in the river, and then a couple on a jet ski that appears to be having engine trouble. We all peruse our menus and find very few vegetarian options, but luckily the monks love Italian food.

Jhado Tulku Rinpoche travels the world giving dharma talks and dispensing peace-inducing wisdom, called “loving kindness”. His smile emanates warmth and accessibility like a grandfather who effortlessly teaches you what no one else can. He says that it’s very nice in Sacramento, and talking about his travels mentions that Cape Town is a lot like Santa Barbara. We snap pictures with my tiny pocket camera - Geshe Tashi and I taking turns, while Janine and one of Rinpoche’s students take turns with her mega-sized one as well. Jhado Rinpoche flashes a smile and raises his hand, giving the peace sign to the 5-inch lens.

As former abbot of the Dalai Lama’s private Namgyal Monastery in Dharamsala, India, Rinpoche is a highly esteemed Lama in the Geluk tradition. He is known for his gentle demeanor, dynamic teaching style, and ability to engage western students. His weeklong visit to Sacramento last week included public talks and dharma teachings, all free and open to the public. The underlying theme of his visit was to impress upon people the need for sacred space in Sacramento, which is one of Lion’s Roar Dharma Center’s loftiest and meatiest missions.

What exactly is the vision? We'll discuss the lay of that (holy?) land next time...

Creating a Spirited Life ~

How do you connect with Spirit? Some people feel most spiritually or universally connected in church; others in nature. For some it may be through music, uplifting words, or in silence; being alone, hearing the rustling of leaves in trees, or feeling a gentle breeze across your face. Maybe it’s watching children at play, the sound of laughter or immersing in prayer; helping someone in need or being helped yourself; a smile, hymn, memory or feeling…

When I wonder where or how to find spirit I am usually quickly reminded that it is everywhere. Yet we can lose touch with our awareness of it in our fast-paced, pressure-driven, over-stimulated lives. The alarm goes off, the coffee goes on, the kids get up, the shower trickles down, the lunches get made, the breakfast gets eaten, the dishes get done, and our days get going on a collision course for what? More of the same?

Whether you go to church on Sundays or pray daily to the traffic gods, every moment can be rich with spirit if you stop to listen and give it a moment of your time. Whether you need inspiration or guidance, connection or calm, it’s right there from one breath to another – in the sound of a friend’s voice, the buzzing of a bee, the softness of a blanket, the nourishment of good food. Just breathe, open your soul, release the tension, and take in another now-renewed breath. This is your chance to feel connected, cleansed and inspired to do something that really matters to you, like making this moment count.

A Joy-Filled Life with Unresolved Problems ~

A lot of people these days complain about things never being perfect and life being so darn hard. It almost becomes their mantra and they then remain stuck within a negative spiral. We all know life can be challenging and unbelievably frustrating at times. But if we come to believe and expect this is mostly all there is, we’ll continue to find a lot more of the same. If on the other hand we were to accept and embrace the nature of life - with its ups and downs, chaos and uncertainties, action and re-actions – we actually wouldn’t have to be so surprised or upset when “life” just does what life tends to do.

There are moments and situations in each of our lives that may feel perfect, but life will never be perfect all the time. We all know this, and yet we still butt up against life’s imperfect nature and continue to use it as a reason or excuse to not be happy. Thus, we’ll never find the joy that’s always there waiting to be harnessed; ‘there’ being wherever you want to find it.

“A joy filled life with unresolved problems” is how Stephen likes to put it, and we can all have one, starting right now. Since the obstacles and antagonists won’t ever dissolve for good, finding the joy in spite of the imperfections of life should be our unrelenting goal. Find a reason to be happy now - find yourself feeling wiser, calmer and more empowered too!

But people are creatures of habits that don’t suit them. They get so tired, so resentful of having to do the same things over and over again; not realizing they’re fighting the nature of being and exhausting themselves with the wasted effort. “Life is always going to be unresolved to an extent,” Stephen says, “because we have to keep eating, breathing and doing human activities to survive… And there are always consequences to that.” The joy however - which is buried beneath - is found in acceptance rather than stubbornness; and thus not trying to resolve things that cannot be picture-perfectly wrapped.

In each of our lives there are going to be conflicts that never seem to go away - like dysfunctional family stuff, tragedies that change us, intractable oppositions, and impossible situations. “There are always things that just go incredibly wrong and are conventionally unsolvable.” You just can’t make everybody happy, nor can you rectify everything. We fear and fight the existence of difficulties, but have to deal with them as long as we’re here. There’s always going to be something undone, askew or uncomfortable.

So what are we going to do in the meantime? Are we going to let it ruin yet another moment, yet another day, yet another year? The ‘I’ll finally be happy when I get this out of the way’ kind of mentality doesn’t work very well because there’s always something to fret about next. And then here we go again letting another hassle get in the way of our happiness.

Yes, life is a learning process, and learning can be challenging at times, but it’s not an unbearable lesson or test that we’re failing in the meantime. It can just feel that way because similar things keep popping up, making us feel as if we’re spinning our wheels or obstructing the view of that beautiful horizon we so love to dream about.

Do you find yourself needing absolutes in life – like flawless truth or impervious rationale – and then feeling continually frustrated or let down? Would you really prefer to be free and happy instead, creating your own life in the here and now? Just take a step back and see the multi-faceted life that touches and moves us all. Decide to deal with what can be dealt with and commit to returning to happiness as many times a day as possible. All that fretting, worrying and complaining can really choke the life force out of you, and isn’t usually based on much we can control anyway.

So when something goes wrong, instead of operating from a stuck place ~ create a new thought, a new solution or a new opportunity. Resilience plus creativity breed adventurism and character. Forging a new way, a different reaction or a more practical perspective means we’re no longer trapped by our minds’ neurosis. Learn to trust your intelligence, respect what makes you happy and keep chugging along. Become a master at harmonizing with the screwed up nature of things. You know Yoda would be proud.

Communication Styles ~

Dialogue. It’s not something we tend to think about much. We just do it, and fortunately it comes naturally to most of us. But are we really that good at it? Do we think about how we go about conversing with others and whether or not our typical style of communication is actually constructive? Dialogue is important for many reasons, to a large extent because we build relationships through it.

When communicating with someone, do you have to win them over, do you prefer coming to a consensus, or do you often just agree to disagree? Are you an antagonist, pacifist, or reside somewhere in the middle? Do you bounce back and forth, pinging to the edge and then back again? Or do you allow for synthesis to unfold, a third possibility coming to the surface when conversing with someone else? What about your internal dialogue? Are you aware of how it brings even more people into the discussion, how important perspective is, and how multiple perspectives can exist in any given conversation?

Yeah, there’s a lot there when you hold it up to the light.

Personally, I think my style depends not only on with whom I’m talking, but also what we’re discussing. Is there passion in the opinion from the get-go or a conflict already in existence? Are we aware of what the issue is and how we’re feeling about it? Are we on the same page and communicating on the same level? It’s not always easy to tell, and can in fact make relating seem like a science.

Communication with particular people can be highly delicate at times, vacillating between harmonious and volatile. With others, however, conversations may feel downright effortless. So what’s the magic equation for relating? There might be a whole slew of theories and equations, ranging from simple addition and subtraction to complex calculus-like brainteasers.

Most of us would rather communicate clearly and easily – and let’s be honest – not have to think so much about it. But not always seeing eye to eye isn’t necessarily a bad thing and doesn’t have to mean that we’re disagreeing. We each simply view things from our own perspective. Sometimes the exchange ends in agreement, while at other times we’re left with open-ended questions.

“There just isn’t always going to be a resolution,” Stephen says. “Some things aren’t going to work out.” Besides, he adds, “I’m always suspicious when things are too tidy. When I think I have it all figured out, I know I’m getting close to disaster.” He chuckles.

Seated in our cushy chairs, we both look out the window at McKinley Park just across the way. Sometimes I think we’re speaking different languages, but the intention for communion is there, and so that’s usually what we get. Engaging in the act of communication means we have relationships – and that’s a great thing – but as we all know, relationships can be challenging. Dialogue-ing is a process, just like most everything else in life. It requires awareness, practice and patience, repeatedly.

“I always prefer the peripatetic style of dialogue,” Stephen continues, as I give him a perplexed look he’s probably used to by now. “This is when you walk and talk, rather than flying around or being stuck.” I know the style; just hadn’t heard the word before. “You’re not so fixated on body or mind, and the rhythm from the movement helps relax and open you up.” Makes perfect sense to me. “You don’t feel confronted by another or confined by the walls or the room. Walking helps you balance internally because you’re literally going back and forth on two feet.”

“Ah, yes - Aristotle style,” I say. “That’s my favorite too.” Maybe we should try it.